That awkward moment...

That awkward moment where you're looking for your camera cord and find an old medication bottle containing what you ascertain to be two Amitriptyline, a couple Trazodone, and a random fucking 10mg of methylphenidate. It's an awkward moment because you realize how weird it is that you'd even have this hidden pseudo-stash of independently useless pills sitting in the pocket of your computer bag. I think the Trazodones are 50mg, which means I got them in 2008... sooooo, yeah.

To the Arbiter of Asinine Assignments,

Please. Really. Let me just stop--right now, right this second--and drop every thing I am doing, so that I can devote every fiber of my being to the pursuit of whatever chore you have just now decided is SO motherfucking vital, that takes critical burning precedence over EVERY OTHER THING EVER, that is so FUCKING crucial and paramount to the success of the universe from the highest to the most infinitesimal of degree, that is undoubtedly of SUCH absolute indispensable cardinal importance that the world would literally CRUMBLE beneath your feet lest I go out of my way RIGHT NOW and focus wholly on your glorified impromptu stupid motherfucking to-do list FROM HELL. Really, honestly, PLEASE... Let me, just this once, divert all of my attention and focus all of my energy on emphasizing the OVERWHELMING GRAVITY OF YOUR SITUATION RIGHT NOW, because AS YOU KNOW, I am NEVER EVER DOING ANYTHING EVER and therefore I am ALWAYS AVAILABLE to act as your mother FUCKING maid servant, You. Bitch.

THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.

Pastime Search Continues.

Desperately in need of a hobby... but I sort of have to stop looking, because thanks to the wonder and glory of OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) I'm obsessing way too much over the details of possibilities that the idea of having one is lost. Preoccupation with planning... it's a thing, but I'm beginning to recognize it, I guess.

I think the key is going to be shifting my focus from having something to give my life fulfillment (because as the perfectionist over-achiever, I feel like every second has to be super productive in some way), and rather just get something to pass the time until I'm able to move out of the house and get on with my life elsewhere.

So... I need distractions. Distractions that I can reliably turn to every day. If I end up obsessing over it--which I will--then I will be happy and I don't care if that's a bad thing because fuck the world if my high standards and dedication means I have some personality disorder. I CAN JUGGLE EIGHT FUCKING BALLS. Yeah, bite me, hard work pays off.

Now I just need something else to become "the greatest" at, lest I continue along this cycle of "up in the morning, look too hard for things to do, find something per usual, sink into bitter depressed inactivity for the last 6-9 hours of the day, wait until it's late enough to fall asleep, then sleep and wake up a hundred times from being too restless." It's counterproductive and I'm trying to be the responsible "self-aware" kind of person and lower my standards of hobby searching. It doesn't have to be some grand impressive undertaking. Just something to fucking do. Even if it's like, "oh look I'm going to learn everything there is no to know about... something random... Prussia." Or, "I should probably dedicate every second of my life to fixing my handwriting because it's an embarrassment and every time I sign something my name ends up spelled wrong."

Pulling an all-nighter.

Not quite sure exactly what it is I'm going to be doing all night... but, I can pretty much guarantee beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'd be up until dawn anyway. My prescription for managing this ridiculous insomnia never got called in, so. Yeah. I guess I could just... putz around the basement and smoke a lot of cigarettes.

Money Saving Shit.

I decided it may behoove me to set some future goals... you know, monetary ones, since I'm so fucking broke and I'm super excited to get a job ANY DAY NOW. But yeah, I've always been freakishly good at making nearly-perfect estimations and spending plans, it was a weird hobby/obsession of mine for a while there back in OKC. I planned a five day trip to Wisconsin and pre-planned the expenses within $3 of the actual cost.

SO... I've decided to make a few pseudo-savings plans assuming I'd be getting one of the jobs I applied for, thus getting a decent amount of money each month... so, yeah you know. I get bored, and this shit makes me all STOKED ABOUT STUFF.

...

So, let's say I start with account of $100, and add another $50 four weeks a month, starting on the first of November. At that rate, by May of 2012, after interest, I would have an accumulation of an epic $1500. Now, continuing from that point, if I kept my monthly deposit at $200, or $50 a week, by November of 2013 I will have accumulated about $4000. See, that's pretty good.

Alternatively, what if I vow to take $5 every single day, and stick it into a jar or a box or whatever... I could have just shy of $1200 by my birthday.

So let's say I get a REALLY good job, like the one I had in Oklahoma City; at that time I was alternating weekly savings deposits of $80 and $60 every Friday, making my total monthly savings at $280. If I did THAT amount, by my 24th birthday in 2013, I will have saved up a little over $5200. Now, I could make some pretty badass birthday plans with that kind of dough.

Let's say now that I want to plan an epic cross-country road trip. I did all the math estimations... I'd drive a rough approximate of 10,400 miles. If I drove a minimum of 300 miles per day, or any variation thereof (such as 200 one day, 400 the next day), my trip would come out to be about 30 days, plus or minus a day or so. Gas at a rough national average would come out to be about $1100, if I camped out and spent around $60 for lodging each day, it would total about $1800; if I set aside $40 for food per day, it'd be a total of about $750; setting aside spending cash for $40 15/30 days, I'd need $600; for all the gear I'd need (camping equipment, etc.), I'd try to budget around $300.

So that brings me to a total VERY ROUGH but as accurate as possible without any real destination details or research, at around $4500. So how does one save $4500? If I were to deposit $60 every week starting on November 15, 2011 until mid August 15, 2013, I would accumulate just shy of $4950. BOOM. So for a year and nine months, I'd say that's pretty doable. ASSUMING I GET A JOB WHICH ALLOWS ME TO AFFORD SUCH A SAVINGS PLAN, AND I KEEP THAT INCOME STEADY FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS.